(This is very personal for me, but it's where I'm at right now.....)
Lately, most of my days I feel like this. I want to just burry my head in the grass and ignore everything.....
When things come up that demand my attentions (homeschooling, cooking, being a mom, LIFE), my expression probably resembles this little lady.....
Most days I look back on my day and I wish I would have done things differently. Reacted differently, said something differently, hugged a little longer, smiled a little bigger, spoken a little softer.....
That's when God stepped in and reminded me that my heart is hungry. My days are SO full from morning until dark and my heart is not being filled .... yet it's still giving out.
My heart is empty. I'm giving out of a tank that's bone dry and it's down to scraping up the rust off the bottom........
I'm not making time for the most important thing in my life - my quiet time with God. Sure, I do get up before I get the kids up and read a verse or two, write in my thankful journal and say a quick prayer, but I'm not really taking the time to get something out of what I'm reading to be able to chew on and feed my soul. I'm just going through a motion...half awake.
Do I get enough from my time with God that it's giving me spiritual energy to keep me running until the next morning?
Is Jesus looking over my shoulder with a worried look on His face, seeing me stumble through my days, trying to fight my own battles, making a mess of myself, all the while longing.... pleading for me to turn around and see Him standing there beside me?
I want my quiet time with God to be filling . every . single . day! I don't have hours to spend each day, but what time I DO have, I want make the most of it and open the curtains of my heart to let God's presence flood in each morning. I want to bask in His light, soaking up His goodness and faithfulness to me. I want to snatch up the smallest nugget of truth that He has for me and run like the wind with it all day long.
I want my quiet time with God to give me enough to be able to share with those around me.
I'm always giving out, but what exactly am I giving out?
Is it sighs, pointed eye brows, harsh words, frowns?
Could I get enough in my quiet time each day that will make others *want* what I have?
Could I have a close enough relationship with God that my children will want what I have?
Could it be that all day long, I could give out smiles instead of frowns, chuckles instead of sighs, hugs instead of cold shoulders, snuggles instead of harsh words?
Could it be that I have been missing out in the last little bit?
In my giving out all day with this beautiful life God has given me - am I giving out enough to fulfill my calling as a wife, mother, missionary, daughter, sister, friend....
I tell my children all the time, "We're always being an influence (or giving out) to those around us.......we get to choose if we're being a good influence or a bad influence - choose to be a good influence"
I want to give out, so that it makes others want Jesus
Some days I like to just go sit in a quiet place and soak in God's goodness.... I think it's important to take a time of rest regularly. Even Jesus took time to get away and rest. In my season of life right now, I can't "get away" to a beautiful, little nook by a bubbling creek, but I can get away and just rest my mind.
Forget all the worries that flood my mind
Leave my phone in the house and forget what's on Facebook (or just not get on FB all day)
Let go of the things that I don't have any control over
Sit and watch some puppies for a while
Watch bees around flowers
Watch the clouds move
Go for a drive
Listen to music
Read a good book that helps me be a better person
Spend time soaking in nature and this beautiful world God gave us
Lay in the grass and just be....
Sometimes God speaks to me through the most unusual things. (as you can tell by this post) Sometimes my alone time with God isn't in my chair by the lamp with my pen and journal in hand. Sometimes its outside with the trees and clouds...sometimes its on drives up the mountain where I can see for miles on end. Sometimes it's in my back patio with the humming bird buzzing around the flowers. Sometimes its with puppies.....
God isn't playing hide-and-seek with me. He's right here....waiting.....
Waiting for me to get my head out of all the distractions that swirl in my head.
Waiting for me to slow down and see Him
Waiting for me to actually take time to be with Him
Waiting for me to stop going through the motions and actual be present
My quiet time with God isn't just going to happen. I have to choose to make time for Him. I have to choose the night before to get enough sleep to get up early (because that's when I'm at my best).
I have to choose to spend time with Him every day so that when I'm giving out, I'm giving HIM out.
When I'm giving out, I'm giving the love of Jesus out
When I'm giving out, it's not about draining myself, it's about being so close to Jesus that He is spilling out.
I do know that some days or even seasons in my life, I will feel distant and some days I may not be able to "see" God, but I'm so thankful that I can *know* that He's right there walking the path with me.
He will never leave me nor forsake me, even when I can't see Him.
One tiny part of a verse jumped right out at me the other day.
James 4:6 "But he giveth more grace......" Go look it up! It's right there. God gives grace. I can't have the perfect devotional life and spend hours a day having my quiet time with God, but I can choose to spend what time I do have to be the best for that day. He gives me so much grace - so many reminders that He wants to carry my load. He wants to pour out grace, if I'll only slow down and receive it.
No matter how many times I stumble - He giveth more grace
No matter how many times I fail as a wife, mother, missionary, daughter, friend, sister - He giveth more grace
No matter how many distractions I've let fill my mind and drain my heart - He giveth more grace.
He wants to take my dry, rusty heart and fill it with His grace....
I know this is very personal for me to share, but I hope it can speak to you like it did to me. If you struggle with your quiet time with God, you're not alone! If you struggle with getting it in every day, make time - even if it's a tiny bit of time - you will be blessed by it, I promise.
disclaimer - please don't think that I'm saying I've lost my salvation - I'm meaning to say I'm in a dry spot in my life. :)
Looking forward to receiving His grace more and more.....
